your hair down to your legs and your legs down to the floor

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I have a problem with leggy blondes in that they always steal my boyfriends. Since the day I first set foot in public school and sent one of my friends to ask a boy to “go out with me” there was a leggy blonde sending her lame plain Julie butt-brown brunette friend in first. Once I made the mistake of sending a leggy blonde as my representative during eighth grade dance season into a group of boys on my behalf.. it’s obvious how well that worked out.

I hit the real life dating age and the merciless onslaught of leggy blondes continued. Noticing a pattern after a particularly trying series of failed relationships, I realized there was only one possible thing that could be wrong.

So I became a leggy blonde hoping it would make boys like me.

This ended poorly for everyone.

It was then that I realized that sometimes things don’t even work out for the leggy blondes, so I went through a drastic series of hair color changes (avoiding blonde at all costs) and I’ve been happy ever since.

I would also like to note that this is Bobby Flay’s wife and here is Alton Brown and his leggy family.

…

How does this come back to food? Lately I’ve been thinking about this phenomenon in my life and I think it’s time to put the leggy blondes in the past. By “put the leggy blondes in the past” I mean, of course, spread them in a pan and bake them.

Leggy Blondies with Maple Almond Glaze

These are not good for you. But they are also not terrible for you.
Adapted from an Epicurious blondie recipe.

• 1/3 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/3 cup whole wheat pastry flour (I use Bob’s Red Mill)
• 1/4 brown sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 egg
• scant 1/4 cup canola oil
• 1 or 2 tablespoons honey
• 1 teaspoon almond extract
• 1/2 cup semisweet chocolate chips

Maple Almond Glaze

• 1 tablespoon milk
• 1 tablespoon maple syrup
• 1/2 cup confectioner’s sugar
• a few drops almond extract (Scott said my glaze was a little almond strong and I only used 1/4 tsp.)

This is easy just like a brownie, so I’m not going to bother with complex instructions. Mix the dry ingredients in a large bowl and the wet ingredients in a smaller bowl. Mix the two together until well combined. Add the chocolate chips and turn out into an 8×8 pan (I didn’t have 8×8 so I used an 8×6 which just resulted in thicker, gooeyer blondies). Bake at 350° for 20 minutes or so, or until a toothpick/cocktail umbrella comes out clean. While it’s cooling, whip up the glaze and drizzle over the top. Serve to your appreciative friends/apathetic room mates while still warm.

Serves: 12 wishfully, 3 realistically
Ready in: 30 minutes

Oh yeah, the update.

Mayoffin variations made in the last 2 weeks: 7 (brown sugar, banana chip, zucchini chip, almond cream cheese, lemon cream cheese, peanut butter fudge filled and pumpkin)
Braising: the new steaming
Ounces of pureed pumpkin ingested by your narrator since Monday: 32 (muffins, cookies, crepes and oatmeal. Ugh.)
The problem with whole wheat flour (when used without all-purpose, 1:1): it turns everything it touches to scones
Morningstar Wet Burritos: delickious

Tomorrow.. “My First Time”, the engrossing tale of my hot summer fling with grilled pizza.

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Filed under Desserts

Tags: blondies, leggy blondes