the greekster

I love Morningstar Farms.  They have awesome veggie burgers, and awesome varieties of veggie burgers, and kick Boca’s ass in general.  I use their Griller crumbles all the time in “meat” pies and burritos and sandwiches, but I was starting to get tired of the same old same old hamburger-type meals so I branched out into the world of chik’n.

When I first bought a package of Chick’n Strips, I tried them over a spinach salad just sauteed on the stove and I wasn’t too fond.  They are MUCH moister than actual chicken and if you just heat them up, they have a texture almost like animal fat.  I stayed away from them for a few days after that.. it really grossed me out.  But after a little experimenting I think I’ve found the trick.

For wraps, salads or STUFFED PEPPERS (one of my f-f-favorite things to make), I recommend the following:

Throw however many chik’n strips you want to use in a bowl and microwave for 30-45 seconds to defrost them.  Toss them in a bowl with a generous amount (maaaybe 1/4 cup) of balsamic vinegar.  Grilling them is a good way to go, or you can throw them around a frying pan with just a touch of olive oil, but make sure you really cook them.. try to get some charring around the edges.  The idea is to dry them out just slightly so that they get a more chickeny texture.   After I figured this out, I was so impressed with them.. they taste and look exactly like chicken.

Moving on.. I’ve been making grilled stuffed peppers all summer because I love peppers. Mostly I’ve been doing a variation on Italian stuffed peppers and filling them with rice, veggie burger and tomato sauce. Boring.  This time I tried something different, partially inspired by the neato purple bell peppers Lisa and Sparki gave me out of their garden.  

These are so light, fresh and summery compared to heavy Italian stuffed peppers.  I brought them over to my sister’s for dinner and I thought they came out really really well (better than the chocolate raspberry cupcake disaster I had earlier in the day). Tada.

Grilled Greek Chik’n Stuffed Peppers

• 4 medium to medium large bell peppers (they don’t HAVE to be purple)
• 1/2 package Morningstar Chik’n Strips
• 1/2 cup balsamic vinegar, divided into two 1/4 cups
• 3/4 cup veggie broth plus 1/4 cup 
• 2-3 tablespoons fresh parsley
• 1 lemon
• 1/2 cup uncooked whole wheat couscous
• 1/2 cup feta cheese
• 1 medium tomato, diced
• 1 cup fresh spinach, medium chopped
• 1 medium onion, diced
• 2 fresh garlic cloves, minced
• 2-3 tablespoons olive oil

In a small pot, bring 3/4 cup veggie broth to a simmer.  Add the parsley, chopped very fine, and let that ride over low heat for 15 minutes.. you want the parsley to steep for awhile.  After 15 minutes, squeeze the juice of 1/2 the lemon in to the broth and add the couscous.  Turn off the heat, cover and let it fluff up for 5 minutes.

While this is going, thaw the chik’n strips in the microwave and then using a fork, shred them as best you can in a bowl (this might take a hot minute.. they’re still too moist at this point).  Mix them with one of the 1/4 cups of balsamic vinegar and let them sit while you move on to the next step.

In a large fry pan, saute the minced garlic and onion in 1 tablespoon of olive oil until transparent.  Add the Chik’n strips and saute for about 8 minutes, letting them dry out slightly and crisp up around the edges. Add the fresh tomato.  Pile the chopped spinach on top of everything and gently pour the remaining 1/4 cup of veggie broth on top of the spinach.  Cover and let it sit for a few so the spinach can wilt.

When the spinach is wilted, add the cooked couscous (there should be a little more than a cup now), juice from the second half of the lemon, one or two more tablespoon of olive oil (use your judgement) and the feta.  Stir her up!

Cut your peppers in half and remove the seeds.  Fill each pepper (generously!) with the filling and wrap each half tightly in foil.  Grill over medium heat for 20-25 minutes, checking periodically.  When they are firm enough to hold their shape, but soft enough to pierce with a fork, they are donezo.

Serve with the remaining 1/4 cup of balsamic drizzled over the tops.  

Serves: 4 very hungry people, 8 normal hungry people
Ready in: about an hour 

note: if you have extra couscous filling left over, it makes great leftovers on it’s own.  I usually end up eating it out of the pan when I do the dishes though.  Oops.

have you ever seen a bulldog trying to eat a jar of mayonnaise?

Yesterday I baked up a batch of Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins using mayonnaise instead of oil.

And they came out AWESOME.  

Since they are muffins, and muffins made out of MAYONNAISE at that, I’ve been ZING!, heyooo! and gunslinging my way through the day with all sorts of immature innuendos about my awesome creations.  I’ll spare you my ill humor partly out of wanting to be taken somewhat seriously, but mostly because I think my mother has started reading this blog (hi deb!)

I brought them to work thinking I could pawn three or four off on some hungry coworkers, but they were gone by lunch time.  Here is a picture of Miranda sinking her teeth into some yummy awesome mayo action.The half closed eyes and wussy not-even-trying thumbs up can be attributed to me pestering her for an hour to “let me take a picture of her eating my muffin” while she was obviously hung over and none-too-pleased to be photographed eating.  She still said they were really good though, promise.

The texture of the muffin is sort of banana bready.. which I really loved.. and surprisingly moist.  I’m thinking about trying a zucchini bread sort of muffin for my friend, Joe (his favorite), using the same mayo method later tonight.

Anyway, here’s the recipe I used, adapted from several recipes floating around the internet:

Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins

• 1 cup unbleached flour
• 1/2 cup oatmeal flour (remember, from the pie crust, duh)
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1 egg
• 1/2 cup mayonnaise (note: supposedly you can also use Miracle Whip for this, which I was tempted to do, but Scott hates Miracle Whip.. SO.. I used what we had: Hellmann’s Light Mayonnaise, which is low fat and low cal and it worked totally fine)
• 3 very ripe bananas
• 3/4 cup chocolate chips

Preheat your boy the oven the 375 degrees F (464 degrees K). 

Okay.. in a hugenormous bowl combine all of the dry ingredients, including 1/2 cup of the chocolate chips. Easy peasy.  In a separate bowl, beat the egg with the vanilla.  Chop your banana into the bowl in small pieces, reserving 1/4 of one banana, and mash a LOT.  Now add the mayonnaise.  You should have a totally revolting banana egg vanilla mayonnaise mush.. it will smell like vanilla mayo but please forge ahead, it goes away completely when you bake it.

Now gently fold the wet ingredients into the dry, stirring as little as possible (importante with muffins in general, muy importante with these muffins in particular) until just moistened.  Grease twelve muffin cups and fill 3/4 of the way.  Divvy up the last 1/4 cup of chocolate chips and sprinkle them on top of each muffin along with one thinnish slice of banana.

Bake for 20-25 minutes, and while you should probably let them cool for awhile, no one will notice if you don’t.

Hooray.

Ready in: 45 minutes
Servings: 12 (or 6.. er, or.. 1)

I’ve been concentrating on baking a lot lately.. and am looking for a good book to learn more about the basic ingredients in baking so that I can bake from scratch better as well as substitute and play around more effectively.  If anyone has any suggestions that would be great.

 

Tomorrow: back to the vegetarian nonsense with Grilled Greek “Chik’n” Stuffed Peppers.

fur pie doesn’t sell

Well.. my boy Adam Gertler was sabotaged by Bobby Flay Nancy Kerrigen style and did not win Next Food Network Star.  Not really, but I think the Food Network copped out big time by picking Aaron.  Complete safety choice.. but whatever, at least the cylon won’t be invading channel 61, and I’m thankful for that.

I spent this past weekend in New York visiting Sharon and Clifford with Scott.  We were supposedly there to see She & Him, but the whole thing just turned into an excuse to spend a lot of money on good food and drink.

The week preceding the trip I was trying to ration out our dwindling food supplies to avoid grocery shopping.. which lead to a lot of crappy meals.  One thing I did have on hand was a can of Comstock cherry pie filling that I had bought for some poorly thought out sweet cherry soup and dumplings idea I had awhile back.  I scrapped that plan and decided instead to embark on the Mount Everest of pie baking endeavors.

Pie is not good for you.  There is no way around it, really, because some things that taste good can only taste good because they are sugary and fattening.  Therein lies the problem, because I love pie, but I hate getting fat.  

It took a lot of recipe combining and google searching about whole grain flours and oil content affecting pie crust.. but I finally put together a recipe for a good (half) whole grain pie crust.  I made two pies, cherry last week and grape last night, but I think this pie crust would REALLY shine with a sweet potato, pumpkin or pecan pie.  You need a coffee grinder or a lame-o fancy pants food processor on hand for this.

Almost Whole Grain Pie Crust 

Makes one crust.. double for double pie crust or lattice topped pie.

• 3/4 cups unbleached flour
• 1/2 cup rolled oats (not quick oats!)
• 1/8 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp vanilla
• 4 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 3 tablespoons ice water

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.  Spread oatmeal on a baking sheet and toast for ten minutes, stirring every three minutes to make sure the edges don’t burn (this would totally ruin your pie crust).  In a coffee grinder (or food processor, I GUESS) pulse the oatmeal, in batches if necessary, until very very fine.  Shoot for espresso fine.  

Sift flour, your oatmeal flour, brown sugar, and cinnamon into a large mixing bowl. Add oil and mix well until crumbly.  Add three tablespoons of ice water one at a time until a ball of dough forms.  Roll crust out onto a floured board (I suggest not trying to substitute a rolling pin for a liquor bottle like I did) and transfer to a 9 inch pie plate.

You can bake it off at 400 for 10-12 minutes (boooorrring) or you can fill her up with your favorite fruit filling and bake according to that recipe.  When I filled it with black grapes last night, I baked it at 425 for 30 minutes and then dropped it to 400, covered the pie with foil and baked for another 25 minutes.. it came out perfect.

Serves: 8
Ready in: 30 minutes 

note: I have not had the balls yet to make this pie entirely with oatmeal flour.. but I plan on trying to bump it up to half and half next time.  The more oatmeal flour you use, the chewier it gets, which isn’t bad, but is much less traditional.. especially if you’re making this for people who could care less about eating healthy.

nom nom

I watch the Food Network CONSTANTLY.  I wake up and watch the Food Network instead of the news in the morning before work (at least after all the overnight infomercials are over) and I fall asleep to the sweet sounds of the Good Eats! jingle.  I even watch the Food Network while I’m actually eating.  Sometimes I get embarrassed when Scott comes upstairs or Tim (our friend and room mate) walks into the living room and I’m still watching the Food Network, so I pretend to be channel surfing.. but I always end up “surfing” all the way back around to channel 61.

So while I love every one of the Food Network celebrities, with the exception of that drunken Stepford wife Sandra Lee, there are a few I love a little bit more, if you get my drift.  Without further delay, the following are my Top 5 Food Network Celebrity Crushes.. in very particular order.

Number 5: Bobby Flay

Bobby Flay is a given.. he is tall, dark, vaguely handsome AND he has a speech impediment.  Mmm.  He used to be much closer to number one on my list until his coup of the Food Network began.  Bobby Flay is on EVERYTHING now.  He has hosted seven of his own shows, he mysteriously dominates every episode of Iron Chef America (I smell a scandal, Man vs. Wild style) and he’s the voice over for tons of non-personality specials.  I didn’t have a problem with this until he became a judge on the Next Food Network Star where his TV chef arrogance has really started to come to a head.  He borderlines on cruelty when critiquing Adam Gertler in a way that would put Michael Anthony to shame.. when it’s obvious that Adam completely worships the guy.  But whatever, we could have one of those tense up and down I love you-I hate you kind of relationships.. it’d be totally worth it for the badass grill he’d bring to the table.  It’s for this reason, and also because he has said he “hates lentils”, that I spitefully put Bobby Flay behind number four.

Number 4: Adam Gertler

Adam Gertler is currently one of three finalists on The Next Food Network Star, and he better take that cylon Lisa and her crony Aaron down.  Bobby Flay hates him because he knows if he wins, there are going to be two vaguely handsome, meat grilling, smokehouse opening chefs on the Food Network.  Unfortunately for Bobbly Flay, Adam Gertler is also humble and kind of looks like Nino Quincampoix.  His signature dish on the throw down episode was Lobster Macaroni and Cheese and I mean.. that’s enough to put him in the running for pretend boyfriend in itself.  Sadly this guy spends his days thinking about ribs and steaks instead of carrots and cauliflower, so I’m not sure how it would go for us in the long run.  Worst case scenario we have to eat all our meals separately and ride around Montmartre on his moped together instead.

Number 3: Guy Fieri

Guy Fieri is the man.  Only Guy Fieri could win the second season of NFNS and then make a living by hosting a show where he drives around the country in his red convertible eating OTHER people’s food.  He doesn’t even have to say anything on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives except “Mmm.. that’s [good, great, fantastic, delicious]“.  Guy Fieri is God with a pancake wrapped sausage in one hand and a Thanksgiving dinner in the other.  He’s no variation of handsome, and the sunglasses tan line thing is awful, but at least I could eat for free anywhere in the country and walk away with the insurance settlement when his arteries finally clog with burger grease next year.

Number 2:  Giada de Laurentiis

I have two girl crushes.. one of them is Scarlett Johansson and the other is Giada de Laurentiis.  Giada is totally hot and makes awesome food.  I don’t even know if her food would seem so awesome if it weren’t for her creamy descriptions of the deliciousness of her creations.  While she’s cooking she plays synth-heavy porn music in the background, which I tried to find an example of, but every YouTube video for Everyday Italian is called “Giada shows cleavage srsly!” or “GIADA DE LAURENTIIS LAYS OUT IN BIKINI” or “Giada jiggling!!!!!” so you’ll just have to trust me, or watch an episode.. it’s on every weekday at 4:30 pm.  Also, she gets points because I know Scott would be okay with me breaking up with him for Giada if only for the fact that if it didn’t work out between her and I, I could put in a good word for him.  My mom calls her “Everyday Bulimic” and I’ve heard some people make bobble-head references about her, but don’t worry, Giada, i’ll love you just the way you are, vomit and all.

Number 1: Alton Brown

What?  WHAT?  Alton Brown would make the PERFECT husband.  I know everyone thinks he’s gay, but I don’t.  I just think he loves food more than he could ever love another human being, which is fine by me.  I don’t think the man thinks about sex at all.. there’s just no room for stupid thoughts like that when you have five egg timers running at once.  We could live happily ever after in our perfect little house (which would actually be a giant kitchen with two twin beds in the corner.. mine would be a Lion King bed and his would probably be like, a giant gravy boat or something) and cook 24/7.  He wouldn’t even have to converse with me if he didn’t want to, he could just talk at me all the time like I was a camera with all sorts of costumes and props and FOOD.  So please, Alton Brown, disrupt my life anytime and whisk me away to your creepy culinary Neverland.

for the communist in you

Wonton soup is one of my most favorite things.  I’m a sucker for American Chinese food.. which I haven’t had in forever because it’s like, a week’s worth of saturated fat and kittens, but I think I’m overdue for a good Chinese buffet stuff-my-face-and-then-feel-like-vomiting-before-being-hungry-again-an-hour-later session with Luke.  

Anyway one day I saw vegetable stock at Guercio’s and had a wicked craving for wonton soup.  Shortly thereafter I purchased a bamboo steamer, which is one of the best things I’ve ever bought.  But more on my adventures with that another time.

Wonton wrappers are the needle in the grocery store haystack.  Sometimes they are with the produce, which seems weird to me, sometimes they are with the Asian specialty foods and sometimes they are in the hippie aisle by the soy milk.  I used this very helpful site when I first made wontons, which I highly recommend taking a look at BEFORE you start making soup.  You can use the plain samosa style fold for our purposes, it will do just fine, but I prefer style 3, “samosa with a twist” because it’s way cuter.

This came out SO good and I wish I had a picture of it because it was extremely presentable.  I made extra broth for Scott later because he was sick one of the nights I made it.. it’s salty and good for a cold.  In a pinch, you can even just slice the wonton wrappers into thin strips and throw them in there for an Asian style veggie noodle soup.

One last note: you can buy eggless wonton wrappers and omit the cream cheese in this recipe if you’re vegan and it’s still really good, I promise.

Kittenless Wonton Soup

Soup:

• 2 1/2 cups vegetable stock
• 1/4 cup reduced sodium soy sauce
• 1 tbsp fresh ground ginger
• 2 scallions, diced
• 3/4 cup sliced mushrooms
• 3/4 cup fresh sugar snap peas

Wontons:

• 10 wonton wrappers
• 3/4 cup veggie ground (I use Morningstar Farms Grillers)
• 1 small red pepper, chopped finely
• 1 garlic clove, chopped finely
• 1/4 cup frozen peas
• 1 tbsp water
• 1 scallion, chopped finely
• A few tablespoons light cream cheese

In a stock pot, combine the vegetable stock, soy sauce and ginger.  Bring to a simmer.  Add the mushrooms and sugar snap peas, reduce heat to low, cover and don’t peak for 15-20 minutes while you fold your wontons.

In a small mixing bowl combine the veggie ground with one tablespoon of water.  Add the red pepper, garlic, scallion and peas.  

Now line up your wonton wrappers on your board and fill a small bowl with lukewarm water off to the side.  Put a small amount (about 1/2 tsp) of cream cheese in the center of each wonton and then 1/2 – 1 tsp of the veggie ground mixture on top of that (make sure you get a pea or two in each one). 

Now it’s time to fold the wontons. 

Pick a corner of your wonton to be the “start” and wet the two sides of the wrapper that meet that corner with water just along the edges.  Fold the opposite corner over the filling to meet the starting corner and press the sides together firmly.. I emphasize firmly because if you leave any space for broth to get into the wonton, the mixture inside is going to be ruined.  Trust me.  You should now have an equilateral triangle.  This is a basic folded wonton.

Check on your soup.  The mushrooms and sugar snap peas should be soft.  Drop your wontons in GENTLY one by one.  Add your two diced scallions, reserving a bit for garnish. Let the wontons simmer for 8 minutes until the skins are semi-transparent.  

Ladle 4 or 5 wontons into each bowl, cover with broth and top with a few fresh scallions.  

Donezo.

Serves: 2
Ready in: 45 minutes to 1 hour, depending on your wonton skillz

food, or, the reason i wake up every morning

I love food.  I think about food 90% of the time whether it’s when I’m going to eat it next, what I’m going to eat, where I’d like to go out to eat or where on my body it’s strategically (and annoyingly) storing itself.  I also love animals (except fish) and eat in an obsessively healthy way.. mostly to compensate for a myriad of other poor life choices.. and this has lead me to a largely vegetable based diet.

As I began eating healthier and healthier, and less and less of my food was coming from boxes, it became clear I was going to need to learn how to cook.  I spend a lot of time editing recipes that are unhealthy or have meat in them to make them better for me and more animal friendly.  I’ve had some great successes and a couple of outright failures.. and it’s time to start keeping track of that.

I also have the benefit of having a boyfriend who loves eating animals, the cuter the tastier, so he is an excellent gauge on whether something is good all around or not.  He’s pretty honest, I think, so I’ll try to be honest about whether I think a recipe is good because it’s good, or “as good as it gets” for all of my substitutions.

I think it’s only fitting to start this off with a good old fashioned hippie staple.  This is relatively quick, very easy and great for those cloudy summer days when the grill is out of propane and you don’t want to have the oven cranking out more awful heat all night.  

Enjoy.

Not a Hippie Lentil Stew

• 1 cup lentils, your favorite color
• 1 can diced tomatoes, undrained
• 3 cups mixed vegetables, medium chopped
  (I used carrots, red potatoes, yellow squash sugar snap peas, onions, fresh spinach and mushrooms)
• 1 tbsp olive oil 
• 1 or 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 tsp cumin
• 1 tsp savory
• 1 cup water
• salt and pepper to taste
• hot sauce and cheddar cheese (optional)

Heat one tablespoon olive oil (or less if you’re finicky like me) in a stock pot over medium-high heat. Add garlic and heat through until soft (but don’t let it brown!).  

Drop the heat to medium and add your three cups of vegetables.  Saute for five minutes.

Toss in the can of diced tomatoes here.  I tend to use one of the bigger cans in this recipe, since the tomato thickness is what makes this a stew and not a soup.  Along with the can of tomatoes add your cup of lentils, cup of water (or more, depending on how lentil heavy you want it, but remember to use equal parts lentil and water to start), cumin and savory.  Throw a cover on her and let it roll for thirty minutes, checking once or twice to give it a stir.  You can add a little more water if you think it’s getting too thick once the lentils puff up.. but be careful not to let it go over heat too long, the lentils start bursting open and then you have Not a Hippie Mush.

When I made this for Scott and I, I served two bowls up topped with a little cheddar cheese and hot sauce, but that’s mostly because we live for hot sauce, YOU can enjoy it plain if that’s what you like.

Serves: about 6
Prep time: about 1 hour total